Hello Minions, and Good Afternoon to you!  It's your old buddy, benevolent God and occasional Super Bowl MVP, Leon.  Since last I spoke with you, the heavans have opened up and really put a cramp in your style, sending you fleeing to the bar for beers without having properly sweated all over each other on the kickball fields.  For this Leon would apologize were I able to make mistakes, but as a God, I can't.  So what I will do is deflect blame to Tlaloc an Aztec buddy who has been crashing here in Leon's domicile while he rids his home of his in laws.  See even Gods have trouble with parents in law.  But that's not what I'm here for today. No, I come to speak to the travesty that happened at Nationals Park this past Monday night.  

You see Monday night, a true believer was taken out by a ruthless, and blood thirsty Padre.  I speak of course of Sandy LEON, who plays catcher for the Washington Nationals who was assaulted by some person named Chase, a man whose name is a verb has no business in the game of baseball (but does in Football, Chase Daniel, you will always have a place at Mt. Beer OhLympus).  Human Leon was just doing his job and this interloper viciously attacked his ankle and then may have punched a young child.  Fear not though, this Chase person has been dealt with, all I can say is that there are boils and unpleasant odors coming from this Chase character that will ensure he spends the next 55 new year's eves sitting at home watching reruns of Mr. Belvedere.  But what of other Leon you ask?  Well he will be rehabbing here with me.  PT will include laps in the champagne pool and ankle strengthening through jumping flip cup, a game you humans are not quite ready for.  With all this human Leon will be back to catching behind homeplate before you know it.  As of now he's on the 15 day DL, but after spending that much time with Leon, he will certainly need a break.

Better not expect to see him for two weeks...

Every Tuesday, we'll have some different stuff in the space, this week we kick off with Deep Thoughts by Han Dolloman, our resident HHS deeeep thinker and cider lover.

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really going on down there? Who is the real hero?

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

Another week, another column from your editors.  It's been a wet and wild spring to this point, and as far as I can tell that sucks for all of us.  Sure, there's the reader out there that's a farmer and he and his family need the rain to grow their crops, but for the other 99% it's not so great.  And this got me thinking, has rain or being wet ever been a good thing for anyone in this area and I could only think of one time.

And that was the time I was on fire.  I'd been in a heated game of basketball and just started throwing up shots, and those shots started to fall, which was unusual in itself as I am not so good at the basketball.  Once I had hit three in a row, I was on fire.  I couldn't miss.  Half court shots you say, no big deal.  A shot from a moving automobile or elephant, please, that was gonna drop no matter what I did.  But then things got weird...my hands literally caught fire, as did my body and most upsettingly, my eye brows.  I need my eye brows to convey both shock and surprise, anger and boredom.  I was a blank canvas and let me tell you this terrified me.  

Thankfully it started raining, and I was doused retaining my dignity and eye brows. Can you imagine if I had had to draw new eye brows to convey how I was feeling?  So on that day in the mid 90s, rain was a good thing, but every time since, it's been a series of slaps in the face, and not the good ones.

At the end of the day, we all want to get a little soggy, but there are limits.

In this space, every Friday, we'll be having some fun with the photos we take and the magic of photoshop and Marty.

So, as Sam Jackson said, "Hold on to your Butts."

It's time for the Barking Dog Power Rankings, let's do it!

HHKB, Week 3, May 9, 2012

1) Bottom of the Fifths (1) - Another week on top for the Fifths, anyone want to try and knock them off?

2) Where Da Gold At? (10) - A big showing, I know they clearly dig hockey.

3) Ballz Deep (7) - A nice showing, clearly, they're doing work.

4) B.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!!!!!!! (3)- They came out large, as is their deal.  Nice shouting Tim!

5) The James Lauer Team (8) - Holy 80s Batman!

6) #Juice (16) - The Juice, like the Terminator is back.

7) Hobo World Order 2 (6) - The Lysts show their spirit.

8) Ludicrous Speed (4) - They have "The Beard."

9) Kick in a Box (14) - Big showing for Tony and co.

10) Scoregasms (2) - They have "The Mustache."

11) Grass Kickers (11) - They're here, to kick grass.

12) Ace of Base (12) - Dressed so fancily...

13) Big Bad Booty (15) - It's Chip, solo, and that, that is not ok Booty, give the man a hand!

14) Team Lightning (9) - They came to the field in one car, just one, all 20 of em.

15) Quit Hankin' My Dietles (13) - Cunningham drops knowledge on lightning, take a knee and listen.

16) G.I. Kickballin' Joes (5) - Click here to see how I feel.